dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I smell stomach acid.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
