Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
