my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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