im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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