biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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