did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
