so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
