i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
