Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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