That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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