Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
