I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
FUCK WHALES
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
