I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
