this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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