I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
