So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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