this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
