When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
