Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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