just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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