i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
