Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
