we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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