I can't watch pbs sober anymore
false alarm. still invincible.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
