dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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