tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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