It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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