ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
