Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
