one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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