1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
