Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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