It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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