I'm drive I can fine osifer
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
