i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
