i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
