Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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