So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
