at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
