I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
