My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
