stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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