If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
