My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
