My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
