I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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