I am puke
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You ruined the universe
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
