I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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