Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
