Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
