Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
