Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Watching her eat just hurts me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
