Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
